We don’t ever know what we are doing. Parenting is all about winging it, doing what feels right, and hoping we don’t screw it all up. Because that is the biggest fear, right? That the thing we just did or said is going to be THE THING that messes up our kids.
When we have our first babies, everything is new. There are SOOOO many decisions to make. Epidural, or no pain meds? Delay cord clamping or not? Give baby a bath right away or wait? Pampers or huggies? Or cloth? Pacifier or not? Breastfeed or formula feed, or a combination of both? Baby in crib or bassinet? Avocado or sweet potato for the first food? Purees or baby-led weaning? Stroller or carrier?
You get it.
Every. Single. Day.
A million decisions. The beauty of a second child is that you already know how you feel about all the things. Less stressful.
The problem is that your first born will ALWAYS be the first one. First to ride a bike, go to school, make friends, get in fights with friends, feel heartache, learn multiplication, talk back, experience hormonal shifts…and deciding how to react and respond will always be a learning experience.
You can have a postpartum doula walk you through the decision-making aspects of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum.
But WHERE IS MY TWEEN MOM DOULA? With my 9-year-old I still feel most days like I am winging it, and hoping for the best.
I am eternally grateful for the community of moms in my town who make efforts to get together despite our crazy lives. I had a mom’s night out event this weekend. And let me tell you, 9 years into this parenting thing and it is STILL amazing and IMPORTANT to know that what is going on with my kid is NORMAL. Us moms are all in this ride together. There is nothing one of us has gone through that at least one other mom hasn’t also experienced. But we don’t know this unless we say the things out loud.
So say the things. Listen when someone else needs a voice. Don’t judge. Be kind, be patient. Hold space.
Be the doula.
Peace, love, and mothering
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