Momming with anxiety…
…is dropping your crying child off at daycare or school with a promise that you will be there to pick them up. Only to drive away fearing that you will crash your car/a tree will fall on you/you will suffer a brain aneurysm/an asteroid will land on you…and your child will never trust anyone again because you were not there to pick them up at the end of the day.
…is watching your children play…laughing and twirling and jumping and squealing... But you cannot savor or enjoy the moment because you visualize their heads crashing into one another/the roof caving in/one of them being impaled by a broken toy.
…is going out on a date night…and leaving 4 pages of detailed instructions on how to care for your baby with every possible scenario spelled out on how to hold/diaper/dress/feed/comfort her. When she has been in bed for an hour already. And you rush home after dinner from a restaurant 3 miles away, because the thought of being further away makes your chest hurt.
…is mustering up the courage to go to Mom’s Night Out to FINALLY socialize with other moms, only to feel that you are not stylish/fit/interesting enough. You realize the other moms have their kids in way more/ way less activities, meaning that of course your kids are falling behind academically, socially, and psychologically.
You constantly feel not enough and too much…all at the same time.
Here’s what I have to say to you. You are not alone. Although I know that doesn’t help, because we convince ourselves that we are the only ones feeling these things. Get the help you need. Build up your support system. And call them in when you need them.
What does anxiety look like for you? The more we talk, the more we are not alone. The more we share, the more we realize we ARE NOT ALONE, the smaller the world gets and only then will our village grow. And the village is what we need to navigate this journey of parenthood and come out the other end in one piece.
Peace, love, and mothering,
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